STRANGE BUT TRUE, BEHIND THE SCENES

Would you trust these two nefarious hippies? Being on the road was hard, and I didn’t realize just how aged I was until we made this journey. As I look through the footage, I can see very distinctly, the times I was in nearly unbearable pain, would have considered selling Niko just so I could afford a hotel room to have a hot shower and almost gave it up to go home. There are a whole bunch of stories, or perhaps repressed memories, that are coming back to me, of circumstances and a few difficult to explain situations that occurred. I will share some of those with you.

If you have ever cruised the I-10 between Texas and L.A., you likely passed through several border patrol check points as you drew nearer El Paso or Tucson. Niko, the videographer on this project, is Mexican-American, but is one of those chameleon types whose appearance could be one of several ethnicities. He took advantage of scaring me as we neared the first checkpoint in Texas. Just as we rolled up and I was about to open my window, he pipes up in his best Chicano accent, “Hey Maaaan! I looove America!” I almost shat myself and prayed the immigration officer didn’t hear. That was just the beginning.

Speaking of selling stuff, we were just over half way in the trip and so close to being out of money it was beginning to really concern me. We pulled off into a rest stop in Pennsylvania and discussed what options we might have. We both agreed that we could sell plasma for a few bucks. As Niko searched the interwebs for a location where we might conduct such a donation, he discovered that it is illegal in that State to do so for payment. We both knew what our next option may be (selling “something” else…ahem) and simultaneously shook our heads and said, “nah”. We kept going.

We were so incredibly fortunate to not be involved in any accidents, but there was one close call in New Mexico. We had literally just left the hotel in Las Cruces. I pulled onto the freeway and was getting up to speed. There was a banked curve left coming up and what was ahead was not visible until making that curve. Well, as soon as we did, I saw that we were directly in the path of a car being chased by the New Mexico State Police, like ALL OF THE POLICE, on OUR SIDE OF THE FREEWAY going the wrong direction, so headed straight for us. Coming off that curve, we were on an overpass bridge and thus, had no shoulder to escape to. I had to make a split second decision to either stop and pray really hard the they all went around us or accelerate and make a shot at getting off the bridge to the shoulder and hopefully, out of the way. I opted for the latter and we made it. I didn’t say much after that until the next time we stopped.

Then, there was the afternoon of a very, very long day of driving that we entered Columbus Ohio and seemed to get sucked into some kind of Twilight Zone vortex bc three times, as we crossed the river, we suddenly found ourselves in rural Indiana. That should have been impossible as we were going the opposite direction. But, each time, after checking the map and gps, it appeared that I had not taken any wrong turn or exit. Finally, somehow, we got across the river and found our way only two hours late. God bless Appalachia.

One of the most perplexing situations happened in West Texas. I had read about a ghost town off the I-10 and thought we should stop to investigate the remains. It was, again, later in the afternoon, but we thought we had plenty of time until dark as it was in the Summer. We found the remnants of what was once the small town of McNary and shot some footage while we were there. No ghosts appeared, no strange apparitions, but we were not yet in the clear. As I pulled away, I drove west down highway 20 to Fort Hancock. I needed gas and knew I could fill up there. We turned onto the main street which would take us back to the I-10 eventually, and drove slowly through this not particularly remarkable little town. Then, suddenly, we noticed large groups of folks lining up on the sidewalks and curbs, on both sides of the street. They began to smile at us and wave as if they’d been waiting for our arrival. Niko and I looked at each other, wondering whether we were having a shared hallucination. This went on for a couple of miles (?) and finally, I saw the gas station by the freeway and turned in. We got gas, snax and sodas and beat a path out of there. I still have no clue what that was about and have no plans to ever go back to check it out.

I.Love.Canadians. I do. We camped for one night at a campground in Niagara Falls NY. My being from the South and totally illiterate about all things Northern, I had not considered how cold it might actually be in that part of the Country in October. Duh, Laine. It dropped into the 30’s at night and neither of us had brought appropriate cold weather gear. The most we had for warmth was our hoodies. I was so desperate, I had on almost all the shirts I had packed and I was still freezing. But, the beautiful, benevolent Canadians parked next to us, in their really nice RV, invited us over for drinks and eats and to share their immensely wonderful fire. We sat in their camp for a couple of hours and I believe I would have perished that night had it not been for them. They treated us like family and I will never forget their generosity to two strangers. And I’m sure we looked really strange.

Speaking of Canadians I love, when we met up with Anna and her partner, who are from Canada (they actually drove to the U.S. to meet us bc Niko did not get his passport and we could not enter Canada) they came bearing large mugs of hot Tim Horton’s coffee and pocketsful of sweetener and cream. We had not eaten nor did we have extra money to go to a coffee shop and pay for elitist joe. We had not talked to them before hand and whether it was merely coincidence or divine intervention, they had no idea how grateful we were for that. I nearly cried with relief and I’m not even joking. Best.Canadians.ever. And TH coffee is really good!

On the subject of food arriving at the right moment, it was the morning we met up with Allie. We had driven early from Connecticut to NYC, not stopping for a meal. She had brought us bagels and cream cheese and tea and gifts, too. In the video’s intro, you will see me being near tears holding that delicious bagel. Can you imagine how hungry we had to be to be that excited? Thanks Allie. That was perfect!

Others gifted us foodstuffs (and maybe wine) as well, which we ate and savored along the way. Yankee maple syrup is really delicious on a McDonald’s biscuit.

Unbelievably, other than a blown fuse, which Niko replaced in Austin, we had no mechanical issues with my car during the entire trip except for once. I can’t remember for certain, it may have been somewhere in Tennessee, but suddenly, everything electrical on my car went berserk. The door locks went insane, locking, unlocking, the dashboard would light up and then be normal, the car was lunging then not and we were going through a construction zone at the same time. I commanded out loud “One of you angels or saints or whatever better get down here and fix this car!” Well, I didn’t really expect anything but guess what. It stopped. Ooookay. I took the next exit and found a repair shop who gave her the once-over but could find nothing amiss. We returned to the road and never had any trouble again.

This trip was broken up into two segments; in July, August and September, was the destinations west of Houston and the second, which we took most of October to complete, was the entire rest of the Country. I cannot explain how we did that on the less than $2000 we crowdfunded plus the money I had made from selling furniture and possessions. From that, I purchased our peripherals for Niko’s camera, an audio deck and a large rolling gear bag, two tents, and two sleeping bags. I budgeted down to the last dime, with the thousand or so that remained. When we arrived in Maryland, towards the end of the journey, the campground we were scheduled to stay at had closed as they had accommodated a marathon or something. Rather than sleeping in my car for two days, I opted for us to stay in a cheeeeap motel as we had to wait an extra day for my next friend to arrive from out of town. I made sure we had enough gas money and for Niko to eat Mickey D’s, but beyond that, it was a bust. Yet, when we arrived back home in Houston almost a week later, there was $22 left. I cannot account for where it came from. I kept meticulous records along the way and did not have that remaining. Huh. Fishes, loaves maybe?

This excursion, trip, journey, trek, however it should be characterized, was nothing close to what I had anticipated, yet, despite all the physical discomforts and nervous system stresses that it entailed to complete, I would do it all again to be able to meet my friends. Of course, this time, I’d take my Amex Black and FLY rather than drive, but yes, I’d do it again. Niko was so fun to watch as he experienced parts of the Country he’d never imagined, and encountered all these folks. He even agreed to being an “Honorary Lesbian” while we were in Provincetown during Women’s Week. There was a t-shirt to prove it. But, he was done with me by the time we’d made the last turn, and I can’t blame him, but I hope this was ultimately a good memory for him as well. I’ll forever be indebted to those who fed us, housed us, entertained us, and had patience with our intrusion into their lives. You know who you are and I am grateful for you. Even the ones who aren’t Canadian.

Director, Laine Causey and Videographer, Niko Flores